Forgive Me
by immortalruby
Summary: Two chapters inspired by a different song each, about what could run through Jane's mind one day. Jisbon... Maybe.
1. Chapter 1

There was a storm in the CBI building, specifically Hightower's office. At the start of the morning, Hightower had walked into the bullpen and summoned Lisbon into her office after shooting Jane an icy glare. Lisbon silently followed Hightower and when passing Jane, she mouthed, "Look what you did!" Jane just shrugged apologetically.

That was half an hour ago and Lisbon was still in Hightower's closed off office. Most likely getting a dressing down which was meant for Jane and he pretty much knew the reason behind it.

All of a sudden, Jane got up from his coach and mumbled, "I'm going out for some fresh air."

Cho lifted his head just in time to see Jane walk out of sight before he went back to his work. Van Pelt stared after Jane and turned to shoot Rigsby a troubled look which was returned with a confused frown.

Riding the lift to the ground floor alone, Jane fought an internal battle. He had been haunted by the tragedy which he had caused to his family. He just won't let go. _How could he?_

Stepping out of the lift, Jane took one glance at the crowded street and headed to his car. Unlocking the door, he got in and closed the door behind him. Gripping the wheel till his knuckles turned white, he listened to his own heart beat as it raced in his chest.

There are so many people all around the world and yet Jane would never find another like his beloved.

Jane wished with all his might that his heart go to Angela's beautiful soul right now and tell her how sorry he was, how much he loved her and how much he missed her. He remembered the day he proposed.

"_Will you give me your hand before I'm old? Will you show me what love is because I haven't got a clue. Show me that wonders can be true," Jane asked as he sat next to Angela on the beach watching the setting sun, one arm around her and the other produced a box with a single solitaire._

He rememebered the tears that gleamed in her eyes, lost for words and flinging her arms around his neck, nodding and kissing him. Jane would never forget the day Angela had agreed to spend the rest of her life with him. A life short-lived because of his mistake.

People say that nothing lasts forever and we are only here today so love is now or never._ I just want you to bring me far away, Angela._

As Jane sat alone in his car, a little calmer than before, he contemplated a dream he had the night before. He was standing on a mountain high and looking at the moon through a clear blue sky. Jane had felt so at peace and a voice kept naging him to and see some friends but he knew they would not understand. Just before waking from the dream, Jane had faced the person he was with, he saw her and it wasn't Angela.

_Forgive me, Angela._

Suddenly, there was a tapping on Jane's window, breaking him from his reverie. Lisbon was staring at him from outside, a little frown creasing her brow. She motioned for him to come out.

Caught between wanting to run away and facing Lisbon, Jane made a decision and got out of his car.

"Are you ok?" asked Lisbon.

_She didn't reprimand me. No angry words or jokes. Lisbon is worried about me, once again. Forgive me, Angela._

Without a word or hesitation, Jane reached out and embraced a stunned Teresa in a tight hug. He held her for a moment longer before releasing her and saying, "I'm fine now."

Lisbon watched as Jane walked back towards the building, knowing that when he was in one of his moods, Jane wasn't going to tell her anything. Lisbon had come looking for Jane when she had been dismissed from Hightower's office and had every intention to pass on the warning from Hightower to the consultant. However, when she saw Jane sitting unmoving in his car, all thoughts of the harsh words she was going to use fled her mind.

Lisbon shook her head and fought the blush creeping up her cheeks. She kept her head down as she hurried to catch up with Jane, not wanting to see the curious gaze of anyone who might have witnessed the embaressing moment.

_[Anyone want to take a guess at which song inspired this story? I hope it's not too forced. I'll reveal the song in my next chapter. Just another chapter to go, also inspired by another song.]_


	2. Chapter 2

_[As promised, the song which inspired the previous chapter was _Take Me To Your Heart _by _MLTR_._

_Anyway, here's the other chapter.]_

Jane lowered himself into his chair in the CBI attic and took a sip of steaming tea from the cup he was holding. It was late at night and everyone had left the office, even Lisbon. Jane looked out the window and stared at the moon hanging in the night sky.

_Why does the moon look so blue? Or am I the one who is feeling blue?_ wondered Jane.

Lowering his gaze, Jane stared ahead as his thoughts turned towards _her_. Jane realized that lately, when he was left alone with nothing much to occupy himself, his thoughts inevitably turned to her. After the tragic incident and his release from the institute, he didn't have any hopes or dreams. He didn't dare have any. His daily life had just been an act while all this while inside, he had been trying to dull an inner screaming which could get painfully loud sometimes. At times like these, he just needed to think about her and he would somehow manage to stay afloat instead of spiralling down into depression. Lisbon has managed to do that, even if it was unintentional on her part.

Setting his cup on a nearby table, Jane placed his hands on his knees and exhaled loudly. The path he had chosen usually leaded him on a treacherous journey but he had no doubt he had Lisbon to back him up. At the most vulnerable of times, Jane seemed to be able to see Lisbon's face everywhere. His heart had once turned stone cold and yet, it was the little things about Lisbon that was slowly but surely melting it. In his mind, Jane had so often seen Lisbon reaching out her hand and guiding him home. Now, Jane felt like he could be in love again.

Lisbon had managed to take hold of Jane's heart in the most nonintrusive way, when his whole world had been grey. The unconditional care and concern Lisbon had shown Jane, even when he drove her up the wall, was above everything he could have asked for. In the cold of the night, Jane would sometimes just imagine Lisbon's sleeping form by his side. Unknowingly, Lisbon had become the meaning of his life. He could no longer live without her.

The world could be as cold as the nights he encountered but Jane was sure Lisbon was the spark which could warm his soul. His heart had been broken when his wife and daughter were murdered and he didn't think it would ever mend. He didn't deserve it to be mended in the first place because it was his arrogance that led to their untimely demise. And yet, Lisbon had picked up the pieces and put them back together, giving Jane a brand new start in his life. Even if Lisbon disregarded her feelings, Jane is now sure he is in love with her.

Closing his eyes with a sigh, Jane crossed his arms over his chest and leaned back in his chair. If Lisbon would agree to hold his hand, he wouldn't have to fear what tomorrow would bring. If she agreed to stand by his side, he, Patrick Jane would never have to be alone.

_[Hope you've liked my chapters._

_As for the title of the song inspiring the above chapter, it's _yawA traeH yM kooT uoY_ (spell each word backwards and read from right to left) by the same band.]_


End file.
